I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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