I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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