It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
