It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
