It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
