He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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