no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
