I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Randomize
