so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
