Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
