Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Randomize
