dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
