I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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