I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
