I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Randomize
