you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
