I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Your cock deserves a montage
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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