Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
