Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize
