He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
