you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
