So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize
