just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
