I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
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