Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
