there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
3pm strippers are depressing
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
