I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize
