don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
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