The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
