i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
only you would photoshop your dick
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
