hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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