just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
