I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
