i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
