Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Congratulations! We have a period
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
