Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
