bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
