Pappa wants mamma naked
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
