and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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