Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
