took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
