That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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