he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
