Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
