TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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