At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
