Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
