This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
