yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
