I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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