I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
